when you said you would be at SPX in september you are talking about the small press expo in bethesda, maryland correct? just wanted to make sure because i'm a huge fan and if it is the one in maryland it will be my first opportunity to meet you so thank you!!
Yes yes! SPX as in Small Press Expo! My first time in MD, I’m so excited! I’m coming for you America ♡♡
“Telling a young girl she can’t wear what she wants because it’s not appropriate encourages the idea that men’s reactions should dictate society’s norms, and that all women are meta-Eves, tempting and ensnaring men with our sultry-eyed gaze. My parents’ culture is steeped in patriarchy, in the philosophy of the one-step machismo machine, where there is just one kind of man, and two kinds of women: the angel and the whore. These limited ideas of masculinity breed men who want ownership of women.”—Fariha Roison
“A few months back, I was asked to participate in a debate on the topic of whether men should have to pay on dates. (I was “the feminist.”) It turned out that the male debater and I didn’t really disagree much on that topic. I said that, generally, whoever asks the other person out pays for that date, and then at some point couples generally transition into sharing costs in whatever way works for them. He was actually pretty happy to pay for first dates; he just wanted women to say thank you and to not use him. I had no problem with that.
I think he said that women should offer to pay half, knowing they’ll probably be turned down. I said, well, sometimes — but what if the other person invited you someplace really expensive? What if you agreed to a date with the guy and he spent an hour saying crazy racist shit to you and you felt like you couldn’t escape? This is what led to our real disagreement.
The male debater felt strongly that if a woman wasn’t interested in a second date, she should say so on the spot. If the man says, “Let’s do this again sometime,” the woman shouldn’t say, “Sure, great,” and then back out later. I said that that was a nice ideal, but that he should keep in mind that most women spent most of their lives living in low-level fear of physical aggression from men. I think about avoiding rape (or other violence) every time I walk home from the subway, every time there’s an unexpected knock at the door, and certainly every time I piss off an unhinged man. So, if I were on a date with a man who I felt was unbalanced, creepy, overly aggressive, or possibly violent, and he asked if I wanted to “do this again sometime,” I would say whatever I felt would avoid conflict. And then I would leave, wait awhile, and hope that letting him down politely a few days later would avoid his finding me and turning my skin into an overcoat.
The male debater was furious that I had even brought this up. He felt that the threat of violence against women was irrelevant, and that I was playing some kind of “rape card” as a debate trick. He got angrier and angrier as we argued. I also got angrier and angrier, although I worked hard to keep speaking in a calm and considered way. He was shouting and cutting me off when I tried to speak. I pointed out that the debater himself was displaying exactly the sort of behavior that would make me very uncomfortable on a date. THAT made him livid.
He then called me “passive-aggressive.”
I was genuinely taken aback. “Actually,” I said, “I call this ‘behaving myself.’” It’s a lot of work to stay calm when you’re just as furious as the other person, and that other person is shouting at you. I felt that I was acting like a grownup — at some emotional cost to myself — and I wanted credit, not insults, for being able to speak in a normal tone of voice when I was having to explain things like, “We can’t tell who the rapists are before they turn violent, so sometimes we have to be cautious with men who do not intend to harm us.””—Bullish Life: When Men Get Too Emotional To Have A Rational Argument
Hi Angelina, I was just wondering if you were going to be going to Fan Expo. I'm not sure if you've answered it elsewhere (if so, sorry!!!), but my friend and I are fans and would love to see you there! xx
I’m actually not sure yet! I’ll know closer to the date. It’s entirely dependant on time for me, so if I can make it work I’ll certainly pop over for a day. ♡
“I can’t accept that. I can’t accept that there was only one black woman in the entire film, who delivered one line and who we never saw again. I can’t accept that the bad guys were Asian and that although in China, Lucy’s roommate says, “I mean, who speaks Chinese? I don’t speak Chinese!” I can’t accept that in Hercules, which I also saw this weekend, there were no people of color except for Dwayne Johnson himself and his mixed-race wife, whose skin was almost alabaster. I can’t accept that she got maybe two lines and was then murdered. I can’t accept that the “primitive tribe” in Hercules consisted of dark-haired men painted heavily, blackish green, to give their skin (head-to-toe) a darker appearance, so the audience could easily differentiate between good and bad guys by the white vs. dark skin. I can’t accept that during the previews, Exodus: Gods and Kings, a story about Moses leading the Israelite slaves out of Egypt, where not a single person of color is represented, casts Sigourney Weaver and Joel Edgerton to play Egyptians. I can’t accept that in the preview for Kingsman: The Secret Service, which takes place in London, features a cast of white boys and not a single person of Indian descent, which make up the largest non-white ethnic group in London. I can’t accept that in stories about the end of the world and the apocalypse, that somehow only white people survive. I can’t accept that while my daily life is filled with black and brown women, they are completely absent, erased, when I look at a TV or movie screen.”—Olivia Cole - Lucy: Why I’m Tired of Seeing White People on the Big Screen
I work in an abortion clinic. It is my job to accompany the patient from beginning to end making sure they have the information they need to make an informed decision about their procedure. I test their blood, I dot the Is and cross the Ts and i do it all while doing my best to be cheerful and polite so their day might be a little easier. I do a very good job. I am excellent at patient care. I am informative, knowledgeable and kind.
Today, I spent part of my day with a pro-life woman who was visiting the clinic for an abortion. She was nice and polite but i could tell she was torn and defensive about her decision. It is not my job to judge people or why they have abortions. Personally, i don’t care if you have a dozen abortions in two years so long as it’s your choice.
Part of the conversation that i have with her is one on one making sure she has a support system in place, that she is firm and clear in her decision and that she has the resources she needs including counseling referrals, contraception, and emergency phone numbers.
Part of this conversation is also important to make sure that she has not been forced to have an abortion. It is called a consent conversation.
I asked her “Tell me a little about what brought you to your decision today.”
To which she responded “Well, i don’t personally believe in abortion but i think my situation is special. I have been sick to my stomach for weeks. I can’t eat or drink and i can’t take care of my other child.”
Now, i really really wanted to be snarky about this. Instead I said “Well, i’m glad that you made your decision today and had the chance to consider all the options. It’s really fortunate that we live in a state where you have the opportunity to make this decision. Not all women in this country are that lucky.”
That’s when i saw the light switch on. I sat and watched as her perspective changed right in front of my face. What i think this person was lacking was the understanding that not everyone has the same experience or personal life. This woman, who later told me that she has been staunchly pro-life all her life, was finally considering the other side of the argument. That not all people live the life she does. She was pro-life till she was faced with a difficult and dangerous pregnancy, a son whom she could not take care of and a precarious financial situation that could not bear the weight of another child.
I saw someone transform from a person who had never considered why women get abortions to a person who understands why abortion access is so important.
THIS is why i do this work. I changed a life today. Not because i convinced her to have an abortion. Not because i tortured or forced her to change her mind. Because I shined the light on hundreds of thousands of women who choose to have an abortion every year, each of whom has a different story, different reason and different experience.
This is the culture of choice, folks. You can be personally opposed to abortion and never choose to have one. There is nothing wrong with that. But the second you shame or belittle someone who has chosen to plan for their personal or their families future by having an abortion you step into the realm of hatefulness and oppression.
If you don’t personally support abortion but you don’t care about what other do when it comes to that subject:
Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, "Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
You do not respect their rights as an individual.
You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
Husband and wife team Meredith and David Finch have not yet taken over DC’s Wonder Woman title, but already they’ve made headlines for an awkward interview. At San Diego Comic-Con this weekend, TMS Editor-in-Chief Jill Pantozzi gave them the opportunity to elaborate on what they meant, and on what changes we can expect to see when they take over for Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chang in November.
The Mary Sue: Should we get the hard one out of the way first? Is Wonder Woman a feminist?
David Finch: Wonder Woman is a feminist icon and it’s an incredibly important aspect to her character. I absolutely regret the way that my words came out and it doesn’t reflect at all how I feel.